Cutting off ties with someone is mostly a sad thing to do but sometimes, it is like breaking free from a terrible time in your life like in cases of physical or emotional betrayal.
But life in general is surprising in some ways, you wake up one morning and just realize that it’s probably the best time to let go of the grudges and make peace with your past including the ones in it.
Decide how to communicate
Talking after a long period of silence is never easy therefore, carefully think of how to strike a conversation that the other person will not ignore nor shut you down right off the bat. For example, a very casual message saying “Hey” or “What’s up?” presents a very high chance of not being returned. Same is true with unannounced visit to their place or showing up in an occasion. Make sure that your first move is in a serious and heartfelt way in order for things to be patched up.
This initiation need not to be grand, you can just pick up your phone and call. If you feel that it is best to drop them a message first, then do so. At the end of the day, you are in the position who knows exactly what will work for your friend, relative or former lover—and that gives you an edge to effectively get through to them.
Tackle the issue
Before reconciliation, the reasons that drove you guys apart must be communicated. You can share your side of the story, how you felt about it or whatever it was that made you distance yourself from them. Make them fully understand why things happened that way and try to get their take on the issue, too, so that it will be made clear on both sides. “You’ll have more productive conversations and more meaningful relationships, if you enter each interaction without expectations and without pre-conceived judgement” -Tatiana Apostolova, shesaid.com.sg
Going over the same problem may not be a pleasant thing to do but failing to do so may only result in an emotional pile up later on that will create another episode of conflict.
Apologize
No one has ever died swallowing their pride. If you made a mistake, apologize and admit your shortcomings. That’s what grownups do.
As the conversation goes on, you might hear hurtful words from the other person and that is normal. You are humans who get emotionally wounded, accept it and understand that it will be the case on the first blow. Allow time and your willingness to patch things up calm all the intense emotions.
Work on a possible resolution
Let’s admit it, not all comebacks are successful but if there is even the slightest chance of having one, then better go for it. You made a decision to reach out again and have hopes to start a fresh eventually, so a little more push won’t hurt.
Open a conversational atmosphere that would encourage an agreement or resolution, even baby steps to heal the torn relationship.
Patience is what you need
After one or two conversations, you cannot expect things to go back the way they used to be. Sometimes, it will feel awkward between you two, just trust the process and be patient about it. Try initiating meetups or activities that you can try for a change. Build your way through the walls that have been built for a long time.
Truth be told, life is definitely short to spend it with hatred over somebody. Letting go and forgiveness is the key to set a prisoner free, and that prisoner might be you.
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