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How to Deal with a Manipulator

Whether in romantic relationships, at work, or even in your family, you’ve most likely encountered people who are manipulative in their own ways. The dangerous thing about manipulation is that it can be obvious but also subtle in many ways. If you find yourself in a manipulative relationship, here’s what you can do.

1. When they use your words against you…

There are manipulators who do not accept their mistakes or responsibilities. When you call them out, they’ll simply use your words against you. Let’s consider a scenario where you tell your partner to help you move some things around the house but they don’t. Once you tell confront them about not helping, they might say something like “if you knew how tired I am today because of work, you would not have asked me.” What makes this manipulative is that they make you feel bad for asking for their help.

How to Respond to this: Don’t let the manipulator get away with false apologies and especially guilt-trips. It is important to do this in the first signs of this kind of manipulation. This is so that they don’t feel permitted to do it again.

2. When they gaslight…

If you don’t already know, “gaslighting” is a form of manipulation where you are made to question your own reality. Basically, the manipulator says something different from before and when you call them out, they’ll blame your memory for getting it wrong. For example, you both plan a date somewhere in Sentosa on a Friday. But then, Friday comes and the manipulator says that you planned to do it on a Saturday. The manipulator can twist words for their own benefit and make you doubt your own memory so you’ll feel at fault.

How to Respond to this: One of the simpler things to do is to take note of it. In the example, for instance, write down when you’ll have the date while they are present. That way they can’t deny it later on. Sometimes they may respond with anger but this is a necessary action if you want to avoid being manipulated.

3. When they use “the silent treatment”…

The silent treatment is just one of many passive-aggressive behaviors that a manipulator can use. They will use these methods to control you rather than being direct and honest. When they are mad, they don’t give you the reason why and simply resort to stomping, keeping quiet, and etc. Even if they are at fault, they do this so that you think you’re the one who made a mistake.

How to respond to this: This form of manipulation affects your mental health, more than anything. That is why you’ll have to confront them about the behavior. Tell them not to do it and just speak directly. In most cases, you’ll get anger as an initial reaction. But it is necessary if you want to let them know about their toxic behaviors.

How Do I Stick to My New Resolutions?

Different people obviously have different things they want to achieve. The thing is though, it’s pretty common for people to forget their resolutions as the year goes by. If you have that problem too, even when you really want to stick to your resolutions, you’re in luck! Here are some ways to improve your chance of following through your resolutions and achieving your goals.

Make sure your resolutions are achievable

One common mistake people make is that they think about resolutions that aren’t exactly achievable (or at least in a short amount of time). Making your resolutions simple will give you the mindset that it’s definitely achievable. For example, you want to start gaining weight so you go to the gym. It is very much possible to gain 20-30 pounds in 5 months with a strict diet plan and a training coach. Knowing this, you at least won’t doubt yourself and think that you can’t do it anymore.

Write your goals down

Write your goals down and put it somewhere you can easily see. When you put your goals on paper and see it every day, it can serve as motivation and a constant reminder for you. Maybe you plan to do better at work, so put it up somewhere on your desk. If you are able to achieve it and cross it off the paper, you can be sure that you’ll be satisfied with yourself.

Take it slow

When it comes to following resolutions, it would be in your best interest to take it slow. Especially because most resolutions are things you’re not used to doing. If you plan to jog around Singapore because you want to join marathons in the future, don’t push yourself too hard. Pick easier routes first, then slowly progress and increase your distance or pace. Just remember that there’s really no need for you to rush!

Track your progress as well

One of the best ways for you to stick to your resolutions is really to track your progress. It’s quite a surprise that not many people do this, but keeping track has many benefits. For one, you can see how much you’ve improved. You can also see where you excel and which areas you need to put more effort in. You will also eventually pick it up as a habit and that will help discourage you from sitting out on your resolutions.

Tell your family or close friends about it

If you tell others about your resolutions, you’ll be pushed to think that they have expectations of you already. Telling your family or close friends that you’re going to stop smoking, for example, will simply lead them to expect that you will. In this case, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them. In addition to that, it will be easier for you to turn to them if you need advice or if you just need a bit of their help.