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How to Deal with a Manipulator

Whether in romantic relationships, at work, or even in your family, you’ve most likely encountered people who are manipulative in their own ways. The dangerous thing about manipulation is that it can be obvious but also subtle in many ways. If you find yourself in a manipulative relationship, here’s what you can do.

1. When they use your words against you…

There are manipulators who do not accept their mistakes or responsibilities. When you call them out, they’ll simply use your words against you. Let’s consider a scenario where you tell your partner to help you move some things around the house but they don’t. Once you tell confront them about not helping, they might say something like “if you knew how tired I am today because of work, you would not have asked me.” What makes this manipulative is that they make you feel bad for asking for their help.

How to Respond to this: Don’t let the manipulator get away with false apologies and especially guilt-trips. It is important to do this in the first signs of this kind of manipulation. This is so that they don’t feel permitted to do it again.

2. When they gaslight…

If you don’t already know, “gaslighting” is a form of manipulation where you are made to question your own reality. Basically, the manipulator says something different from before and when you call them out, they’ll blame your memory for getting it wrong. For example, you both plan a date somewhere in Sentosa on a Friday. But then, Friday comes and the manipulator says that you planned to do it on a Saturday. The manipulator can twist words for their own benefit and make you doubt your own memory so you’ll feel at fault.

How to Respond to this: One of the simpler things to do is to take note of it. In the example, for instance, write down when you’ll have the date while they are present. That way they can’t deny it later on. Sometimes they may respond with anger but this is a necessary action if you want to avoid being manipulated.

3. When they use “the silent treatment”…

The silent treatment is just one of many passive-aggressive behaviors that a manipulator can use. They will use these methods to control you rather than being direct and honest. When they are mad, they don’t give you the reason why and simply resort to stomping, keeping quiet, and etc. Even if they are at fault, they do this so that you think you’re the one who made a mistake.

How to respond to this: This form of manipulation affects your mental health, more than anything. That is why you’ll have to confront them about the behavior. Tell them not to do it and just speak directly. In most cases, you’ll get anger as an initial reaction. But it is necessary if you want to let them know about their toxic behaviors.